Sunday, January 1, 2012

Who's really in charge?

Picture it:
A toddler in footy pajamas with wrap around sunglasses on.  She is holding an empty soda bottle in her right hand by the neck.  He left palm is upturned and she is punctuating every step she takes towards you by slapping that empty soda bottle onto her upturned palm.  You look up alerted by the sound of the bottle slapping her hand.  As you look up you are blinded by the flashlight she has pointing at you which is secured under her left armpit.
As this vision of toddler authority comes swaggering closer and closer, hips a wagging, bottle a slapping and flashlight a hear her say, "Well (bottle slap), well (bottle slap), well (bottle slap).  What do we have here?!? (Bottle thown to the side, and flashlight grabbed and flashed into your eyes in one fluid movement)."
You stare in shock and confusion.  The toddler then hooks her finger over the too of her sunglasses and pulls them down to the bridge of her nose.  She cocks her hip and places he flashlight holding hand on it.  She looks down at you from over thetoo top of her sunglasses and says (as though it should be obvious) "I can SEE you.  WHAT are you doing?!?"
You sit there in shock.  No idea how to respond.  Knowing if you laugh she'll go all LAPD/Rodney King on your ass.  Knowing if you don't respond she'll turn into a puddle on the floor. 
As you are considering your options you are saved by your old, overweight cat who chooses that moment fall out if the window in his sleep.  Thus taking the attention of the toddler off of you as she laughs hysterically at the poor old beast's disorientation when he awakens to find himself on the floor.

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